Got me that
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Person: hey you kinda made me uncomfortable/embarrassed just now. I’m not mad, but I just wanted you to know.
Me: ok!!! sorry about that, I’ll try to be more aware of your boundaries :)
Me, internally: I Was A Fool To Think I Could Ever Be Loved, That I Could Ever Be A Real Person, With Friends And Companions. But Alas, I Am A Monster. I Have No Empathy. I Was Forged From Solitude, And To Solitude I Must Return, Lest I Harm Those I Care For Yet Again.
anyone else with rsd have that unhealthy thought pattern of “if i’m not number one to you then i don’t matter” with ur best friends? like does anyone else have a v hard time dealing with ur closest friends having friends outside of u bc it feels like they’re replacing u or distancing themselves from u? or u just feel like the more time they spend with other ppl the quicker they’ll realize u Aren’t That Special and leave u for someone better?
adhd sucks cause one bad thing happens then suddenly u feel suicidal out of nowhere over stupid shit and u know its stupid but u cant just push the feelings away bc ur stupid brain makes u feel everything intensely at 100% at all times so mild sadness turns into complete suffering and agony
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
This is… one of the reasons why I have a hard time truly connecting
with people - and one of my best kept secrets. Or rather, most
shamefully hidden secrets.
When you have multiple mental illnesses and can’t figure out which one your current issue is a part of, and therefore aren’t sure how to describe what’s going on:
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, ‘RSD’ is a powerful emotional hyperarousal mixed with a social trauma response
ADHD and other neurodivergents are lifelong recipients of chronic gaslighting, emotional denial, and social rejection (often from well-meaning neurotypicals trying to ‘help’ us)
RSD happens when you know your emotions are ‘too strong’ for the situation, and you already anticipate being criticized/gaslit/mocked about it because social rejection for having the ‘wrong emotions’ has happened before
It’s why ADHD (especially in women) ends up misdiagnosed (or comorbid with) mood disorders like bipolar and personality disorders like borderline. what looks like ‘rapid cycling bipolar’ or ‘borderline splitting’ may actually be a person whose emotional state is overloading all their synapses and who anticipates being rejected and isolated as a fun bonus